The Healing of an Inner Soul

 

The word healing is a word that everyone knows because everyone needs it. We just differ in what kind of healing that we need, it's level and what aspect to heal. And me, I need a special healing that requires self -love  that will give ease to the pain that I have been suffering.

       Sleeping alone, waking up alone, eating alone, sitting alone and fighting life's battle  alone is such a draining thing. Living in the judgemental society is another thing that I have to deal with almost everyday. Walking straight and silent while  the sharp eyes are on you. My life becomes their subject but I don't care what  they will say behind my back. I have heard enough and I choose to be silent.

        I didn't trust my own blood line because they are my number one enemy. They don't want me to succeed, they want me to fail. But a big sorry for them because I don't care what they do and will do. 

         Hunger, pain, broken and loner perhaps are the best words to describe me but not a loser. The virus of hatred slowly eating me inside. And pain is not an exact word to describe the feeling that I have felt deep inside. Agony, it's agony. Countless days and nights, I woke up in the middle of the night crying silently, asking myself why did these happen to me, for what? I keep on questioning myself until it leads on questioning my own capabilities and doubting myself. I want to finish my study, find a good job and give my siblings a bright future that they deserve. I want to fix myself, make everything smooth and fine but in a minute I stop and doubt myself again. Asking myself again, could I make all of these happen? 

             Fortunately, one day myself doubt end. I stop questioning my capabilities. I need to be strong and play the game that the world offers me. I'm not the creator of the game, I'm an actress but I can change the game. They need me to complete it. Now , I decided to start it.

             I have realized that I don't need someone to heal me. I just  need to love myself in order to be healed and replace the agony with joy and satisfaction. Finally, my inner soul is now at peace.